Gone for Ski Trip in Qubec:)mostly for the purpose of visiting Qubec city;)I am sure its going to be greart:)specailly when one of my good friends who I trust 100% is in charge..

Merry Christmass with one day delay;)

I wish everyone a Merry Merry Christmass and a great and wonderful new year:)I hope this year all our wishes come true and see our future more vivdly:)

Today is the last day at work for a while and starts back on in January:)I can relax for most of the time and can join my family friends gathering and events:)

I have decided that I will make an appointment with GM before the end of this week. If he is not already gone for vacation:)...have decided to talk to all my leads and I think I am at a point that I actually want to move on..I mean its not the thought anymore, its actually the becoming in the shape of practice now...anyways, few days for my break:)can't wait for the long hours of sleep and relaxation:)

this past week has been full of different events and for most of the time, I haven't been home to write about it:)..well lets start from friday, I had my companies indoor end of year celebration again and I got a chance to talk to the GM of the company..he is very interesting to talk to..I talked to him about what I want to do..and caught me by suprize...he told me where do I want to work in the company!!!and I was shocked..I realized that I was really looking at certain departments rather than all of them and trying to compeltely see the big picture.Anyways I told him about the supervisory position and also being a plant engineer.He actually told me to go and see him this week..I don't know if he really meant it or he was just being polite..then in the evening I went to ISU's Yalda party, it was fun as always, very organized this year..ISU did a great job..we danced and talk to many of my friends who I haven't seen for a while and then went for a bite and by the time I got home it was soooooooo late..I think it was the latest I have been out partying..5:10 am I got home:)becuase I have to give rides to my friends, which was a pleasure:)anyways on saturday my choir group and I were practicing for around 6 hours and then we got to through one of the choir members a suprize birthday party:)..it was fun and on sunday we had Mohandes performance and they loved us:)I am very happy that everything went well..the only thing that is bothering these days is the cold cold cold weather!!!I hope it gets better soon..I already miss summer..:(
Last night I got to go to one of my friend's yalda gathering and it was fun..but more importantly I got an interesting comment from one of the chemical engineers in our company..he said I might know another position for you by september!!;)very coooool!!can't wait to hear more about it.

yesterday was an interesting day, first My comany suprized me with a bonous check. It was totally unexpected to me..and second, for the first time I felt I can trust a guy to talk about my future and may build a future together...I felt like we are in the same team..unlike, you verses me..it was a great feeling. Well for now time will be the one which is going to reveal the chioces..its like when your car's windchill is foggy and after you start the engine, it takes a bit of time to warm up and slowly removes the moisture...and in a split second the moisture will be gone and everything will be clear, everything makes sence..I guess I am looking at that split second to come and I welcome its early arrival too

Last night was my company's Christmass party and compare to other parties I have been in the previous weeks of other companies, it was wonderful..so much energy..the live band was good..although I asked them to put some Salsa music for my friend and I but they didn't have any..it was funny, so many companies have parties last night..Suzooki was one of them that I know of.It was an amazing night. I was sitting on the table with my supervisor and manager and had a blast. My friend and I won the dance prize:)..it was funny the draws I wanted so bad but I didn't get any but the center piece and dance was the prizes that we got:)I was so into dancing that I was suprized when they brought the prize to us;) I love my company..after going to other companies parties, I realized how classy and great our company is..and what energetic and cool bunch:)compare to other boring ones..that had to get drunk first to be able to dance..our company with its second beat everyone including our handsome and tall General Manager with his date on the dancing floor:)anyways it was a wonderful night and I can't wait to go back to work and see my great team again:)despite the fact that everything is so rushed and everyone is going crazy to get the products out of the company;)

P.S: Our GM Rocked..he danced well, he looked handsome, and he was fun, and he practically owns the company:)I hope I get a chance to talk to him and get to know his career path more.

As somebody once said:
- work as if you don't need money,
- love as if nobody never ever hurt you,
- dance, as if nobody can see you,
- sing, as if nobody can hear you,
- live, as if the Earth was a heaven
Love you all:)

Shocked..suprized...confused..that's all..

I don't know why I keep forgetting people's life situtations...I don't know why I think that may be it changes...I know the results of it upfront..but I forget it..or may be I want to forget...sometimes some people amaze me with their dicisions, one is my own dad, he did sacrifice to get to my mom. Even when I spoke to a recent married guy, a year ago, he said that if a you love someone you will do whatever it takes to be with that person. Hounestly hearing that sentance from a guy who is emotionless suprized me.I think it is time for me to re-evealuate my life, give priority to the people who do want to be in my future, rather than the ones that are just here for a while and will be gone soon.

So many news from my close friends:)Muna is going to get engaged in March or April:)I am super happy for her. She is the my best friend in the whole wide world. I can tell her anything and everthing and she will calmly give me her suggestions, I think that's because we know each other for 6 years now:)and have been through so many things together at school.I can tell her the wieredest things and she wouldn't scream;)!!if someone would have told me that I would have screamed...From our gangs it is just Christine and I who are left single. It's amazing in around 2 years so many things have changed, Joelle and Mario got married, Lina and Samer got married, and now Muna and Goerge are going to get married. Christine's dad is not in a good shape, I hope his operation goes well on wednesday.

He says guys like girls who are hard to get, because whatever is hard to reach and get becomes precious. I have heard this from many people. So I have decided to become like other girls..cold as winter..and see the result..it will be an experiment..to see how many guys I can hurt..so I become precious!!!!!

some times you should leave things to GOD...he won't disappoint you..

This friday I am going to Hamilton for a bussiness meeting:)I am not sure how it will go but I hope I learn about the people in that company. The interview with the bussiness analyst was interesting..but ofcourse I don't have that background, so I won't be suprized if I won't get the jon, but within the interview, I learned about engineering companies in pharmaceutics..which seemed exciting. The interesting thing about marketing in pharma is that it is very different than any other industry, you don't really need to work hard due to two reasons, one because the good drugs sell themselves and you don't really need to advertise for them and second is that if you discover a certain active ingredient then you will have at least 10 years to make profit when you patent it since no one can use that active ingredient.ofcourse the patent time is usually 20 years but because it takes 10 years to finish clinical study on certain drugs and it has to go through channels of health canada, FDA and other health organizations, it might take more time and hence less profit;)anyways it was an interesting conversation.I am going to see how the interview for the other job goes..I think that one is more relevent to my skills but I hounestly don't have supervisory experience!!!!!!!

I wish there comes a day that I can know people's ulterial motives within a few minutes..like in driving, even before a car changes lane, before they even flash, I know they want to change lane, because of the way their will is transfered to the car's weels...I wish there comes a day, that people stop being in secure and stop gossiping about other people, I wish there comes a day that people help each other for the betterment of each other..

By the way there is another position I am going to apply too..supervisor of a department in my company.

Art of being calm

I am learning to be calm..I am learning to ignore the ones who want to intentionally hurt me or make me over react to some issue...I learning to not save the world..not because it's not important to show and share other poeple different views in life..to break their biast..but I am learning..I am learning that some people are not worth my time and energy...they are lost..specailly men..why are some of you men, such idiots?why don't you understand where is the appropriate time to joke around and know a good time not to?thanks to those jerks, I am learning to ignore them like bugs that are around..never pay attention to them...I am learning to be calm..learning to not over react and keep my cool...just laugh at them in my heart..despite the fact that sometimes its too hard not to laugh out loud about their stupidity..
Please don't take this note personal..I am just writing this because I am mad at this guy at my work..who has the biggest ego and think he is some sort of art!!!!although everyone hates him..I can't beilieve how people act two-faced around him...since I can't be like them..I just decided to act as a deaf person..no emotion in my face when he talks to me..no answer from me...short and sweet..so I am not lying and I am not acting against how I really feel.

Anyways after all the negitivity;)I should tell you that I got the interview for the business analyst position. what do you think they will ask me?

La Bouche

The story of how I got introduced to La Bouche, while I was in Iran is very funny. Being a good girl and never once think about breaking school rules..I was scared to death to get a mixed tape of La Bouche and some other artists..but Solmaz my classmate put it a book under the table and gave it to me she was so calm..and I was nervous to my bones..as if I was handeling some thing very strange!!put it in my bag..the whole experience was frightening to me..despite the fact that my high school wasn't as religous as my middle school but the memories were lasted I guess;)!!anyways I loved this song and used to sing with it for about a year then:)Now everytime I hear it, it takes me back to my highschool years and the times I was in Iran..Now I will share it with you.

La da da dee da da da da...

Be my lover, wanna be me lover
Looking back on all the time
we spent together
You oughta know by now
If you wanna be my lover, wanna be my lover
Go ahead and take your time, boy you gotta feel secure
Before I make you mine, baby,
you have to be sure
You wanna be my lover
Wanna be my lover, wanna be my lover

La da da dee da da da da...

J.E. at work!!!

Yesterday was one of the stressed days at QC...and it is all because the new supervisor can't put her foot down and say to the other supervisor's of the packaging and production "NO"...It's amazing in the time that you think you have figured something out..there comes some one else with new view on the same issue..for example, My new supervisor asked our team to be in the range of time that we are suppose to be at work..no more and no less..now my argument was that why does she care if I stay more!!she wants the project done, right?plus we don't get paid for the first 45 minutes afterwork anyways!!I couldn't logically solve this mystry, I think because I was looking at it just with eyes wide shut!!!This new friend of mine, who is wiser and older and more experience in working environment told me that it is possible that she wants no one to feel left out in the team..you may want to stay for the goodness of your heart but other people might interpret this differently..this was the angle I didn't examine in my logical reasoning!This friend works at a consulting firm and I think those companies are very stressful to work at, since there is no real product from the company, and sometimes they actually lose money if they don't get good deals on projects..anyways his advice that I would like to pass it on to you is that, you have to be smart in reading in between the line!!there are somethings that are not said but you should figure it out..I guess this is applicable for the other aspect of life as well..but I don't know what will happen with the issue of miscomunication since its not clear.....anyways I think I want to explore other options in my career now..I like what I am doing since I am learning new thing everyday, but I don't want to just scientifically excel..I want to enter in the land of marking and bussiness..I have applied to a bussiness analyst and market predictor's areas;)so we will see how it goes, despite the fact that I highly doubt I get this job since I don't have any experience or much of a bussiness degree in it!!but they say ENGINEERS RULE THE WORLD..so I am applying based on that;)

Leonard Cohen,

Once upon a time, there was a guy, who wanted to introduce Mr. Cohen to me, I wasn't ready yet...but now I am..and I love his music and lyrics...It's amazing how my taste in music is changing..Like I generally don't care for the persian music that Shajarian sings,the ones that he elongates the words so much that the actual words are bunch of sounds, since I want to know what I am hearing, without my dad's translation!!!but I don't mind the other pieces that he sings that there is good articulation involved.I guess I am experiencing music and the mood philosophy...Last night at Patough, Despite the persian traditional music, I didn't mind it at all:)But I still want to go to Arian's concert here..can't wait for it...

Today is going to be my first deadline at work:)I always had something to hand in, in rush but this one is different since the report is on a drug that they want it to be released by 12:00 today!!I have been working for 12 hours yesterday and today I am going earlier to work to finish earlier:)When I look at my electronic calender, I freak out..I have at least 1 thing schaduled after work!!a meeting or an organizational gathering..last night I ended up cancelling on of the meetings I was going to have because of this rush project..and since I am so busy everyday:(I had to reschadule for the first available time which is in two weeks!!!I feel like my life has become Dr.'s book, where they have to look for spots to be able to squeeze some thing or someone in the master schadule!!but I guess that's what I want, right?yeah I think so..but the good part is every week for a month, on the weekends I am invited to different companies, chirstmass parties!!:)which is going to be great. I know all the hard work will pay off:)Melissa, a French girl in my company that I have become friends with, says:they can and will see your potential and brightness;)..I said thanks for the complement..and I wished in my heart that I that process be fast;)I beilieve in what Madonna once said...she said..if you want something really bad, you will have it...

My first TV interview;)


source of the picture: http://www.taomusic.tv/products_microphone.htm

To my suprize last night I got to interview some one for one of our local TV station in Toronto. Although since it will be aired on Satellite as well, it won't be too local;)which is not that great..since I am sure my work is not professional at all since it was my first time doing it. I am curious to see how it is composed at the end;)It was funny the guy told me that he can hire me as his interviewer and journalist;)another job opportunity, eh?Nah..;)The funniest thing is that if my family and friends in Iran watch it they would say..."This girl looks familiar"...!!!!!I bet they'll say;)

Fallen- Sarah Mclachlan



Dear Alirza,

Sarah released After Glow album in 2003. She started her vidoe clip with Fallen, and it was amazing. The first time I heard it, I thought it is Dido who is singing it, because of the style of singing but it is Sarah:) I hope you enjoy the lyrcis.

Heaven Bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere long the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
We all begin out with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to these I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem away to be redeemed
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
I messed upBetter
I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

Source:http://www.lyrics.com

Choir and I



Yesterday in my choir class, we got to practice with Mr. Farrahi, the one and only:)His voice is great...I can't beilieve I am so blessed and lucky to be learning about music and singing from him. I can't beilieve my teacher told me that I was in tune with the notes and can be the leader for one of the groups in class!!!After learning the notes I always thought I am not in tune;)Well I am more interested to learn more now;)because for some strange reason, encouragement about something gives me the boost to follow it:) The peices we have practiced till now are very beautiful and multicultural, Gilaki, Shirazi, Turki and etc. I can't wait to learn new songs...

St. John's ambulance

I have been taking this course on first aid and CPR training for the past two days:)and I am a certified first aider now;)St. John's ambulance training center, gave this course for whoever is interested at my company. Some of the facts that she was teaching,was very interesting. For instance if your brain lack oxygen for 4 min, you will die!!and other interesting little known facts, ofcourse the difference between sciences like biology and math is that you may have patient that may stay alive after 4 mins, but mathematically it would be impossible..!!!I mean you can prove it later on, with different biological pathways in the body but may consider strage at first, my point is that its not black and white or binary,zero and one;)..anyways, we all had Manikins and we practiced on them. One interesting thing in CPR is that most of the people think that you give CPR to someone who is not just breathing, but that is not true. CPR is given when someone is dead, or basically there is no blood circulation anymore, so you act as their heart and lungs for them. I don't know if I can really do it on real human being though;)although our teacher told us its okay to break ribs;)you are saving someone's life so it can't get worse than his/her death!!!anyways after that we are going to get a certificate and will have $1000000 insurance liability:)!!my proffesional value has increase in two day;)..one funny thing that happened during the course was that everyone gets to practice with their partners, now my partner and I were practicing the initial movements of the body after it has gone to shock or unconscious, and the teacher chose us to do it in the middle of the class!!!and guess who was on the ground;)ofcourse it was me...so my partner did the first aid steps on me and all of a sudden I saw this flash!!!Oh noooooooo..the HR lady took a picture of me and my partner!!it will be published in the next companies newsletter!!!I think the next thing I like to do which I didn't get to do here in Highschool is get my self defence training.

Yesterday some one told me something about my future that I was very suprized...he said he saw a vision..and he explained how he usually sees these visions..something to do with how you focous on present..I think it was mostly about the theory on parallel universes..on how he can shifts in between:)he said..have you started master yet?I said well not yet..he said oh well may be in 2 years;)I was shocked..he said I see you working toward a PhD. in Biochemistry and genetics!!!!now you should know that this wasn't a planned situation to ask this person about my future..it was in a strange time. It is interesting...I don't know if this comes true or not;)

SHOCK

Heard the news yesterday..actually it was amazing how some many people can be blind...Bush won!!!I can't beilieve it..I am still in astonishment!!!what the hell....mind my language..but are they serious??It was a sad sad( sad-->infinity) day for the world.

Yesterday was a very very interesting lecture at Mohandes gathering, Dr. Mohsen Anvari, An Iranian sergon who performed operation via long distance..an amazing accomplishment:)his presentation was great because he had the clips on how they did the sergoury from Toronto to one of the southern coasts of US, in submarrine.

By the way I didn't get to write anything about Halloween:)this year it was great..I dressed as a fairy:)

http://flossies.org/

Break away- Kelly Clarcson

Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be
,And if I'd end up happy,
I would pray.
Try hard to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no-one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I'd pray,I could break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,Travel on a jetplane,
Faraway, and break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish,
take a chance,Make a change,
and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Buildings with a 100 floors,
Swinging around revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
But I gotta keep moving on moving on,
Fly away, break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
Tho its not easy to tell you goodbye.
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Today I have so much work that I can't even think of them compeletely!!!
7:00-4:00 work (with transportation)
4:00-4:30 Bank!!(to pay my parking ticket)
4:30-5:45 posting flyers for a conference for U of T
4:45-9:30 reunion with my classmates
9:30-...:dead sleep
Atleast that is what I think will happen today;)

SHALL WE DANCE

I watched this movie with one of my friends yesterday, In terms of movie script there were some cheezy lines but it's a comedy romance:)so it was funny, but the most fantastic scenes were the dance practices and the dance competitions. It was as if they were drawing one of my dreams;)I wish one day I can compete in those dance competitions. The costumes were amazing..I wonder if I ever would learn to do quick step dance..I love how soft they move as if gravity does not exist..as if they are walking on clouds..it's wonderful. I am getting quized everyday;)by my beloved friends!!it's good..keeps me thinking about future..about what I truely want to do..I have this friend of mine, who we have the most interesting conversations about human nature and behavioural aspects of people' personalities...and this other friend, who is much older than me and is trying to keep my feet on the ground;)I had a chat with him today..I enjoy talking to so much that I won't feel that we have been talking for 2 hours...he makes me think about what I really want to do in life.I think he is my gaurdian angle..It's amazing that talking to him is 100 times more pleasent than talking with any guys my age or a bit older I think that's because he is wiser and knows more..I guess the reason I like taling to him is because he is very direct and upto the point in a polite way..the questions he asks is clear and he puts you on the spot just to see your reaction is;)this is a qoute actually from him!!I am blessed to have these great people in my life that guide me...

Angel- Sarah Mclachlan


Sarah Mclachlan is one of my favorite singers since her lyrics are always meaningful and she has a heavenly voice. This one in particular, makes tear in my eyes everytime I listen to it.

"spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here"

Parking ticket

To trust or not to trust, to lose control or not to lose control, that is the question. I guess the hard part of gaining new experiences is that you learn that there is absolutely no one except you and your immediate family that you can really lose your control with..it's as if you have to be on alert all the time..to check out stuff..becuase if not and if you accept whatever everyone says you may have to pay dearly for it. A very small scale example is the situtation that happened last night. I got to go to one of my friends house down town, if anyone has been in Toronto and downtown a while they would know that it's a different land over there;)cias all over..anyways I decided to park and one of my friends who was with me told me that she absolutely sure that we can park there and I without properly checking the conditions of the parking, accepted what she said. It's not about her or even the parking ticket, although since this was the first time it happend to me, I never, ever gotten a ticket, I feel it's the worst way of getting a ticket;), but it doesn't matter what I feel, the fact that I was careless and didn't double check what somone says was what really bothered me. So then this question came to my mind, that how is it that at work I will double check everything on my report before submitting them, but here I didn't. I guess I just wanted to not to worry about it. Just to accept that what someone is saying is true without thinking. I guess it's sort of like the idea of Messaya, that he will come and he will change the world and would creat peace and all that, its the idea that we hold on to make us feel better and basically not to take care of our actions now..its a bit avoiding to accept the responsibility. Oh one more thing, Responsibility..is such a huge word in my vocabulary. I guess if I could catagorize my feeling that night, here how it would be, frustrated, because I don't understand why the city of Toronto has to have million little parking signs which each one is explaining the one next to it!!!Disappointment, about how I wasn't alert and was careless and last but not least is the feeling of sympathy and pitiness toward my friend. I know if I was in her shoes I would probably get very upset since it was her idea to park there and that's why I tried to do my best to make her less upset. I guess the best thing that came out of it was to re-evaluate my protocol in life, my SOP (Standard Operation Procedure)if you like;). It just hit me..I guess all this ethics books, all religion books are SOPs for life!!!!and God would be the auditor to see how well we are operating;)!!

Candle In The Wind - Elton John

I never forget when I first heard this song. My family and I had recentely come to Canada and I heard that Princess Diana was killed in a car crash in France.. I never forget, Paeezeh and her family were at my house and I just turned on the TV, when I heard the news, it was in August. Although I didn't know much about Princess Diana but I learned about her through her biography. Later Elton John sang a song for her, that brought all of us to tears. I still love this song and his performance.

"Goodbye England's rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
You called out to our country
And you whispered to those in pain
Now you belong to heaven
And the stars spell out your name
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candle's burned out long before
Your legend never willLoveliness we've lost
These empty days without your smile
This torch we'll always carry
For our nation's golden child
And even though we try
The truth brings us to tears
All our words cannot express
The joy you brought us through the years"

To my wonderful friends,
Just wanted to make your day:)

I just saw the engagment pictures of my beloved childhood friend Sahar, she looks amazing and so grown up:)I miss her alot..miss my talks with Muna alot as well..everyone is growing up so fast..atleast I get to see Muna once in a while..she is like water over fire:)my both great friends..I love you dearly.

I miss you

Yesterday for the longest time I got to go to CVG meeting. It's amazing that most of the problems each of the groups that I am involved with are having are more or less similar. Ofcourse CVG has been the biggest excutive group I have been part of and ofcourse with recognition of pharceutical industry. It's interesting how the answere of each question changes according to the age group, culture and professionalism of the group. How people deal with uneasy situations, how do they express their point of views, and how the dynamic of the group works..I missed them..I missed their professionalism..so I got reminded again..I missed Steve and talking to him..I used to be very shy around him, since he was much older and wiser. But this time it was much better..I like the way he gives advice to me..so hounest..I think I won't mind talking to him for hours..to see what he thinks of life...anyways he think I should stress out less and see the big picture!!;)I like talking to him because I feel I can find myself and know myself by doing that. He opens my eyes to what I think I see but its not really true...

The power of mind over you body and your surroundings is something that I was always interested to do some study and research on. But in this case I had to this on my own body. It's interesting that the meditational suggestions that people like Dr. Hollakoie, Psycolotherapist, give is more or less what I was practicing on...According to him you have to materialize your situation and actually see the change in it. In orther to change either yourself or whatever that bothers you. It's like as if you see the pain or if you see yourself in whatever position you want to be. It's amazing that since I was a kid I always visualized myself in a white labcoat running in a long hallway..and guess what, when I first started my new wonderful job, I got to wear those labcoats and I actually got to walk, sometimes run;)on a long hallway, it gets even more ineteresting, I even had the pager's voice in my imaginations, and guess what!!!we have some one paging people who need to respond to whatever is required of them.
That vision came true for me..in the past year I starting having another career vision of myself, that I hope I get to that. It's a secret for now;)I will let you know when I get there..but I think there areas that even you don't like to touch and get near to..atleast for me it's the emotional aspect of my life. I guess this fear of falling fairy tales always made me not think of it. I have heard brides who say, since childhood I have been waiting for this moment, this dress. They have visualized all the details of their future life as an item and also wedding. I guess at some point in my life I have to start thinking like that. Right now, it's a blank page in my mind. Nothing and no one has impressed and motivated me enough to think about my life with some one else!!!

Fly- Hilary Duff
Very interesting lyrics:)

"In a moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,Fly, open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try.Cause it's your time,Time to fly.
All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there's nothing left,
And the world's feeling hollow.
And when you're down and feel alone,
And want to run away,
Trust yourself and don't give up,
You know you better than anyone else.
In a moment, everything can change."

Dance Performance

Yesterday was my first Kurdish dance performance with my wonderfull group:)It was very exciting and and the audiance loved it. Kurdish music is so energetic that makes the people who don't even know how to dance to want to learn and want to follow your moves:)they were clapping hands all the way.Our dresses were colourful with lots of beading on it. I loved the dresses, I think I will ask my grandmother to bring me one when she comes here:)after our dance performance, our whole group went for something to eat and afterwards dancing again:) dancing is always fun, specially when you get to learn new moves. I love dancing because it gives you focous and control on each muscle in your body. It was a memoroable night, the commitment of 11 people, paid off.
------------------------------
This is one of the scenes at my work;)

Manager: Wow, Congradulations..you are getting married:)!!
Junior_Engineer:What?????!!!!!(with astonishment!!)
Manager:(he points at my hair clips)you are wearing what Chinese brides would wear in their weddings!
Junior_Enginee:Ohhhhhh..sorry..I didn't know;)my mom got me this clip when I was a kid..!!
since this conversation were happeneing every few minutes, I decided to change the clips;)

I just heard that one of the guys in our university got married. I know you are reading this..and I know you were wondering if I have heard it or not..although I am not sure why you want to know if I have heard it or not....so I heard it..congradulations to you and your bride..I hope you and her have a wonderful life together but I still can't forgive you for your dishounesty. Make sure you don't do such things to your beloved bride.

Your ex-friend

Niagra Falls
Yesterday I got the chance to go to Niagara falls again and Niagara on the lake town for the first time with a group of my friends. We had a great time there. We started by walking in the city which was like European style towns with wonderful sweets and pumpkin pies..and then got to eat outside in an area that it very peaceful, and interestingly enough there was an Iranian family that was sitting on the next picnic table:) I got tons and tons of pictures..It was an amazing weather and the sun was great..next we went to Casino Niagara the old one, but before going there we saw a friend of us in Toronto in Niagara!!what are the chances!!;)anyways that was the most fun time for me:)I couldn't beileve watching your friend playing is that exciting..I was yelling and screaming;)and finally they won a good amount of money..there was one incident as well..a women next to my frined cheated with his game..and since I hate cheaters and hate unfair advantages, rushed to him and basically squeezed in between my friend and the cheater woman..ofcourse she lost every thing and my friend won the highest bet on that table:)I got reminded of this lesson again that if you cheat, you will lose at some point. It's how the world is..and I beilieve in that 100%..may be you don't see the consequnce of your action early but sooner or later you will taste the result.

Thanks Giving Day

This weekend is going to be a long weekend:)and lots of events happening, I have my dance rehearsal for MC of the cultural event and a party to go to tomorrow night:)and sunday will be great too..a bunch of friends of mine are planning to go to Niagra on the lake and Monday night for the thanks giving dinner I am going to one of my oldest friend's house here. Actually the way She and I met was very funny. It was the first day of school in September in Earl Haig, and my first time at Earl Haig. It was a newly built building and everyone was confused to where they have to go,so not only the new students would lose their way to classes but also the teachers:) I went to school with my dad and this friend of mine came with her mom, in the busy hallway we saw each other talking farsi!!and started talking. Its interesting and my friends will become our family friends!!I will never forget the speech the principle gave us in the Earl Haig's Great Hall, I was so shocked with the beauty of the building and the number of the students,3000, that I just remember only one sentance he said,"I pray and hope that spirit of old Earl Haig school building, with its memories move here in our new home". It was then and there that I fell in love with my high school, Earl Haig. These words and other passionate events later on, really connected my soul to this school's soul. The way how teachers would make you love studying more and more and teach you actually lessons in life.Anyways, last but not least at this time of thanking, I want to thank God for every thing he gave me and directing me and giving me signs to right ways for me and also I would like to thank all my friends and family who are making my life much more pleasent because of the way they are and their thoughtfullness.

United Way

well these days it's all draw and fun at my company. You give money for the united way and get lots of prizes;)I am aiming for the trip for two to anywhere in North America;)I think it's a wonderful idea to help out our charities in our city, because I am a firm beiliever that what goes around, comes around. Anyways It has been interesting times at our company, because of the inpecetor being in and all. My supervisor was a bit stressed the other day. The way it happened in our lab, reminded me of the times I was at school and the TA would come and ask you questions after your experiments are done!!he would walk around with his critical eyes..and look for anything that jumps at him...and kept throwing questions at the supervisors and managers, QA and directors..at the end it is the Bull Shit ability that wins!!ofcourse in my humble opinion..atleast thats what I learned at U of T as well..no matter how much you try to be perfect if you can't bullshit you don't get anywhere..amazingly I have realized that this skill exists in my director..not that its bad or anything like that..it should be the listeners responsibility who accepts what he/she hears at the end..anyways,I got reminded again that being calm is the most important thing in oral exams...I am begining to realize that, this skill is everywhere in my life..from interviews to even very detailed and may be not as important things in my life. Any how, I am officially part of a kurdish dance that is going to perform soon in a cultural event:)and I am very happy about that, I hope it goes well.

Does He Love Me lyrics- Keshia Chante

I discovered Keshia Chante recently, I first heard her bad boy song, basically her music rocks:)enjoy...

(Oh) Na, Na, Na, But does he love me, Does he really love me?

Met him at the mall in the parking lot

He said Keshia lookin' good and your lookin hot

He was runnin' game and it sounded good

But does he love me, Does he really love me?

Talkin on the phone almost every night

He said he didn't want me chillin' with no other guy

Am I the only one or was it just a lie

But does he love me, Does he really love me?

Is it all about me? Will I be his one and only

He don't know a thing about me

Should I really be his shorty? Cuz does he love me, Does he really love me?

Should I really be his

Thinking to myself is he leading me on?

But I felt that I'm right I don't wanna be wrong

Should I get with him 'cause I need to know?

" Cuz does he love me, Does he really love me?

What am I supposed to do, now? I'm falling for this boy and he has no clue

Is it just a phase he's got?Am I down for the way yay?

sick!!
I am sick today..so I coudn't go to work:(...but its okay it will give me some time to finish off some work I need to do for the other groups I am involved with. The past few days have been full of interesting events. I got to try Korean BBQ, and it was wonderfull..I usually don't like oreintal food but I loved it although after telling my korean friend, she told me that the owner is chinese so the marination was abit different:)but I still enjoyed it, although I think half of the enjoy was because of the group of friends I was with. I also was invited to the pre-convention dinner for calibration and validation group. It was very interesting..Alot of people with great backgrounds in pharmaceutical industry.A lady came to me and said that you look familiar, I think I have met you in one of our seminars, we started talking and I didn't realize that she used to work in my dream company Merck Frosst!!!after we sat down for dinner and every one had to introduce themselves,I realized that!!I wished I had taken her card..but I am going to contact her..she is in consulting now and seems a great lady..although I think her job is based in Montreal.I got to talk to another lady as well from USP!!USP is the bibble for all the methods and all the questions you have in quality control and research..it was amazing..our talk was very interesting. Also the my boss was there too;)actually he is the boss of the boss!!!talking to him is always fun. He just tried to relax me about the inspection we are having at our company!!Although I am sure it will go perfect:)

This was the first song that became No. 1 on chum charts when I first came to Toronto, Paeezeh used to sing it when we were walking or when talking on the balcony:)they were one floor above us..It's the singing that is amazing and the music is wonderful although I can't really relate to the lyrics much.

Unbreak my heart - Toni Braxton

"Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Un-do this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart, my heart
Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

oh babyCome back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'Without you
I just can't go on"

The more I intract with people, specailly guys, the more I realize that I understand and I enjoy the company of much older guys than me. There is a detailed considarations that they have, that I like, thinking about the company they are with, before thinking about themselves. I guess its all the level of maturity and how much people have gone through different experiences in life that makes you be aware of the things that happen around you, but I personally am not going to wait for a guy to grow up while I am teaching him,how to behave!!

Risky Bussiness

Now that I got a job that I like in a great company, another company called in and asked me to go for an interview..A pure Engineering firm which does R & D, consulting and also equipment design. The greatest thing one can desire..The interviewer was astonished by my research back ground as well as engineering!!although I am not sure why he was so suprized;)but he kept on telling me how it would be good and great for me to join them;)and he asked the other guy why they didn't ask for me before!!!anyways its good to have that power:)well I guess I have to write the pros and cons of this situation and see how it will be.so pray that I make the right decision. I love my current job..I absoultely love my supervisor and my team. They are the best..I don't know what to do..

What if what you dream comes to reality?
What if who you love but can't tell him/her, loves you too?
What if all the pieces of our life like a puzzle falls into place?
Would you then settle down and look for no more challange?

It's that time of the year again;)everyone going to school and I am lucky:)because now everyone is busy with studies and I get to go to the classes that are actually enjoyable:)and do stuff I always wanted to do. I am trying to start up a technical group for Mohandes. Hopefully this committe becomes active and we can help each other in our feilds of work. I still don't know how many people will show up.
There are two groups of people, First are the ones who if get upset about something won't talk about it and won't tell the person who purposely or without any purpose has hurt them and second are the ones who will talk about it. The fact that talking and communicating can remove misunderstandings, but before that you have to practice to be open to people's critcs.
I don't know where should be your red lines in friendship or any type of relationship be. I mean the more furthur you put it the more you block communication. But how can you become close to the people you like or love but without interfiering in their lives?without giving them the feeling that they need help when they are in trouble or. I think the people who are masters of relationships are the ones who know the art of talking to people in the right way and ofcourse there is no one way to talk to everyone. You have to know how to speak to someone to be effective and help them. Like my geometry teacher in high school in Iran would describe every equation as a food;)and try to celebrate the existance of the equaction with moons and stars around it for the students. Beilieve it or not I still remember all those equations:)
well I guess one good thing from living in Canada for me was to say no to the things I wouldn't want to discuss and think. It actually is a control mechanism. You are in charge of who and what affect your life.

Interesting lyrics but Strange vidoe!!!

The first time I heard this song I liked it but when I watched the video, I still can't figure out what is the connection between the characters!!!and who is the girl the singer is talking about!!and which girl would be loved;) is the woman actually the girl, who has grown up?the time sequence actually changes too!!

She will be loved-maroon 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecureIt doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you
who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

PARTY!!

Last night was my big party;)I threw a party for my new job and also seeing everyone before getting too involved with studies:)amazingly I invited 36 people and 34 came:)it was a great night, but it wouldn't have been possible without my dear parents help, specailly my mom.I love you mommy:)anyways I had a wonderful time. I am so blessed and lucky to have such great friends. You think they are not listening to what you are saying and what you like but they suprize you;)

This is the conversation that went at work;)
Supervisor:how long do you think you need to finish your project?
J.E:do you need it to be done now?
Supervisor: Oh no rush..I just want to know for the next week schadule.I know I should never stress out an analyst!!
J.E: (with suprize)OH!;)

Last night I was invited to a cheese and wine party. It was very interesting although I don't drink, different cheeses were delicous. It was an interesting party. The best part of our gathering for me is the part we get to play a game where there are two groups and they decide a work for the other group and one of the members of that groups has to describe it by movement without speaking to his/her group:). Today I am going to another party where I only know 3 people there!!!it should be interesting. I love meeting new people everyday. Today was my frist Turkish dance class. It was mostly hand movement whereas in Kurdish its mostly leg movement. I like both of them. Tomorrow is my Kurdish class and also a big picninc:)I have to study for my choir exam, music theory exam too!!I don't know how I am going to make it..
One sad thing that I heard of, was one of my new friends divorce. The the first time a friend of mine got married was wiered but this is even stranger. I know the couple who got divorce probably are happier now, but I can't shake this feeling that how a love based relationship went from good to worse!!It's very scary..but I guess some of it is again can be explained. Since I look at it as a chemical reaction, the decipation of the substance that is secreted while you fall in love,may have reached to zero;). I read somewhere that when people fall in love the substance that is secreted and the change in hormonal balance is equavelent of taking drugs and getting high!!!Alot of studies actually have gone in this field. I like to investigate the kinetics of the secrection and decipation of this substance in body in short and long period of times:)another thing I like to study is the attraction forces of different astrostones and their ratio distribution in body:)I hope some day can research on them.

Yesterday I was about to start the car up and it wouldn't!!imagine you are a bit late and the car won't start up!!I guess I was lucky that my dad came to my rescue and gave me a ride to my work place. But in this process I realized that if this would happen during school year I probably would have been stressed out about it and totally mad, but now that I am working, I was so clam that my dad was suprized..I don't know if this is lack of priority recognition or is it because I finally realized to deal with issues that are out of my hand with calm manner!!!!I guess the experience of a year of unexpected incidents finally paid off;)Anyways the interesting this was that I realized in this interesting experiment I like to think of it as, is that if you take situations easy and if you don't over complicate it for yourself very thing would be solved smoothyly!!I did get to work late, but so did my supervisor!!so I just learned another lesson..but I am not sure if this was one just part of those probabilty laws or it is for real..I guess I need to do more experiments to see the trend. Anyway today is going to be the last day of summer students at our company and there is a party going one:)..this weekend is going to be very busy..I am going to start Turkish dancing, continue with Kurdish and I have to study for my choir exam!!!I hope, I pass it;)..so life is going great..one funny thing that happened yesterday was the meeting in QC, Now our supervisor gathered us and went over QA's audits about our department;)it was alot like when the lab supervisor at U of T would go over the details of how to maintain the lab..and our meeting was alot like it...the fact of the matter is that I feel I am still at school but the fun part is that I am getting paid for it and also I don't have any homework afterwards:)since I am learning new things every single day and getting better and better with using different instruments.

Today, there was a talk at U of T about Islamic Shariat in Ontario. It is amazing how when you realize that 99.999% of Islamic rules are against women and there would be still women who want to go through with it in a secular country like Canada!!!but you have to think why would a woman do this? It can have several reasons, one can be lack of knowledge otherwise, I can't see why an educated, liberated woman want to give all her rights up. Another can be pressures they get from the family and community. The fact that some people think that this pressure is totally cultural and it is separate from the law, in my opinion is very naive. Laws are set to help us in some of the cultural and social life, otherwise what was the point of the law in the first place. If the culture is not knowlegable, then trying to change one person in a community is nearly useless. It's like trying to make a sea sweet with putting one tea spoon of sugar!!!I think the root of the problem has to start from changing the culture, but how can this possible? I think the key is law...if it is reinforced well and if people become knowlegable, no woman on her right mind will ever want to go through Islamic laws, since it would be totally against her. I know I won't want ever go through those rediculus laws and that's why everyday I become abit more fund of Canada.

Sweet Times

last weeks I was so busy that I bearly saw my parents, let alone talking to them!!working during the day and following up on all the organizations I am with!!it's a bit better now, I still have to write the minutes of one of the meetings I have been at last week. Last night was one of my closest friends birthday, we went to Patoogh, a traditional persian restuarant with traditional music:)It was very fun..it was about 15 of us and we made alot of noise. I am planning to participate in one of the concerts that IAUT is going to organize in October, I have started preparing for the choir and the Kurdish and Turkish dances:)I can't wait to learn some Turkish moves..anyways after the dinner we decided to go to an Iranian club and it was good..not alot of people so there was room for all of us:)dancing madly..I am begining to get the hang of my work place. I have to write very detailed reports nearly every day and every mistake you make in your book, when you are crossing it, you have to sign and date that it, so it shows that it was you who did the mistake, even in if it's a typo!!! I love the environment of the company. Extremely friendly and the most amazing and wonderful thing is that I am getting to play and learn how to use HPLC which I was looking for... I can't wait to learn how to analyze the peaks myself, although I have heard that it takes alot of experience to master that. Despite the fact that it is very computerized but I like to learn the analysis myself:)and the all those peak integrations..My supervisor gave me new project of new set of drugs, they are finished material part, for next week:)Before I was investigating the color coating as the raw material that was going to be used in making of the pills. It's amazing how much thought and work and reseach and regualtions go into manufacturing a pill!!!

I have been extra busy for the past few days:)..Choir Class, Kurdish dancing and work and all the organizations I am volunteering for:)..right now It's the only time I can use the computer without any disturbance since it's 6:30 in the morning. Life is good thank god but I just have to keep calm;)tons of meeting happening:)and I am trying to keep up with every thing...friday night I got a surprize call from my classmates to go to a salsa club:)my chem-eng friends and I went for a lesson and it was fun:)but very small club though..this friday is one of my friend's birthday so no salsa this week but for sure next week:)anyways I have to go to work now..chow..

last few days I have been extra busy..now that I have started my great job plus all the organizations I am active with, exhusts me to death!!Everything is going perfect with my new job. I love it..Most of last week was reading SOPs and quizes and this week I am trying the practical stuff:)Its funny here you don't need to wash your glassware!!!someone will do it for you!!I am so used to clean up everything after myself since its U of T strict policy at Chem-eng;)
I still feel sleepy because I had to organize two picnics a day after each other, one of them was IAUT picnic which everyone loved it and have been getting so many emails and phone call of apprecaition:)I am happy that it went great although when I got home I was completely dead since the night before that we were awake till 12:00 am preparing the BBQs. But Mohandes picnic wasn't as intense but had guests coming over till midnight, our friends from Iran:)theirs sons have grown up soooooo much..it's unblievable, therefore I was sleepy today;) I would read five minutes of USP and then 5 minutes of sleep;)..anyways life is going well...I am meeting some great people everyday. And I am learning new things every second, which is what I strive for:)...and may be I change my mind about boys too;)...and not see them as bunch of monsters any more..since for once I have met someone in my circle of friends with integrity and principle while he is kind and caring and considarate.

New Job..New Girl!!

I have been very busy the past few days, from cleaning up my room to starting something new!!it kind of felt like the first day of school!!!I felt I am going to high school again;)..it was great..I love the place I am working in..everyone is exteremly friendly and nice and helpful, but knowing the my bosses and some of my group memeber did help;)...finally being at CVG paid off..I will write all the excitment of the first day later, just want to thank God for giving me this opportunity..did I say I love it?:)Its a brand company..it can't get better than this..horaaaaaaa

Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You

http://www.lyrics.com

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's withinI've been there before
But that life's a boreSo full of the superficial
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you
Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
And in a world on a silver platter
And wondering what it means
No one to share, no one who truly cares for me
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby

I am back in Toronto:)It feels like ages since I left, but it was a very interesting meeting..the second part of the meeting, I was the only female in the group!!I have in different organizations but have never been in a group that I am the only lady;)its funny how the meetings dynamic is so different. It seemed much more focoused on the tasks at hand and more into the big picture issues. I mean everyone knows that women are great in details but I actually could see it as an experiment;) the great thing was that my boss and another supervisor in the group I will working with were there too. So it gave me more chance to talk to him informally and just to get to know him. I also got to see how I made a huge error in judgment about the president of this group. Apparantly his credibility had alot in me getting my position at Purdue Pharma, Since they asked him about me!!:)I am learning so much from this group about how to handle different situations and how to be professional. Alot of behavioural issues that are very intereting. I am glad that I got to meet this group. One important lesson I have learned so far from this group was consistancy and trust. I learned that there is a direct proportion relation between trust and consistancy.

Trip

I am going to a two-day trip starting today and tomorrow in King city, Ontario. I got invited to join CVG 5 year stratigic planning:)I have never been in such big scale meeting before..I think it is a great experience, kind of remind me of the presidential messages and plans in Iran that was mostly was 5 years based;)..the funny thing is I am the youngest person there and every one else is about my dad's age!!it's funny it took a while to become friends with the president of this group. He is a quite person but at the same time he is active and reinforces his visions ofcourse with taking others input in also. Its exactly the story of the fox and Le Petit Prince in our case. He never talked to me, he would just look at me and listen but never a word, but I always greeted him and all but never he would respond. I got to the conclusion that he didn't like me for some reason that I didn't know. Although I was lucky to have the rest of the group that were very friendly with me and Steve who is sooooooo helpful and nice. Now to my suprise in the last gathering of CVG, he joined a small group of us who were talking and suddenly asked me, if I am going to go to the offsite meeting with them!!!!I was shocked and suprized, because he talked to me directly!! I knew of the meeting but I thought may be I shouldn't go, but he personally asking was astonishing!!!the guy who never talked back to me!!anyways I said, I haven't got the email and Steve jumped in and said that he will forward it to me:)..it was a very interesting situation..I think he is the only guy in my life that I have as in that book puts the expression:"ahli kardam"!!

Good Bye
 
Saying good bye is something I am worst at..no matter the situation I can't help not crying, Although I did my best not to cry when saying fair well to my labmates but I nearly cried in my supervisor's office when I went to give him a gift. I through a lunch good bye party for my lab and another supervisor's lab, which was great. Everything went as perfect as I expected because Shaing was helping me.  It's amazing that when my supervisors both said that when they got asked, what my weakness was, they said that I was a hardworker!!that is exactly what I told them too..its funny..it seems that may be what I think about myself is really what others think about me too since its always a question mark whether I am who I think I am.But I couldn't help saying good bye to my supervisor..he told me not to be emotional and that he will always be there for me, and can drop and call him anytime..actually both supervisors said so, even one of them said that if you had any questions come back and we can solve it:) I can't put it into words...just to say that the past year with bio-composite group was the best experience I have had in my life so far...I got blessed to have so many compassionate and good friends and instructors that taught me so much from science to life and was with me through good times and bad times..through sad times and my exciting times. I will treasure those memories and wish them the best of luck in their life and hope that my new place has great people like my previous co-workers.

Everybody's fool- Evanescence  

 

http://hands-down.net/evanescence/index.html

Amazing lyrics...right now..#1 on the chum chart..very interesting and bold song..a must see video while hearing the music.

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that
Never was and never will be
Have you no shame? Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled
Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
Without the mask where will you hide?
Can't find yourself, lost in your lie I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore
It never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
Somehow you've got everybody fooled
It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
Somehow now you're everybody's fool

Beach
 
Yesterday with a group of my friends and I went to one of the beaches around Toronto. It was a great day. It has been ages since I have been to a beach..I think at least a year..it was really fun..it reminded me of the times when My family and Sina's family used to go to our villa in North of Iran..we used to dig holes every time we were at the shore..and some times make castles...it was funny we always wanted to go in a  straight line from villa, but it was impossible because of the long long plants..we always used to go near to them some times a bit passed them..but never passed it compeltely..both scared of snakes and other "hiss" sounds coming from there;)..so everytime we would go back with our legs completely covered with dirt..and had to wash it..and never failed;)..I miss all our trips that we did..with all the adventures..in the dark jungles..and all our dreams of growing up when seeing all those teenagers..but I am blessed to be with my friends here to do all those things I once wished I would do when I was a kid..but I can't stop thinking thought, how it would be, going to our villa again, all of us...Sina, Maryam and her husband, Sahar and her fiance, Hamid and I..
After our nice beach trip, we went to one of our friend's apartment, It was on the fouteenth floor and a view like the one we used to have when we first came in Canada...I remembered..the times I would stand on the balcony for sometimes just looking blankly through this new city, that I was going to call my hometown..sometimes..thinking about nothing..somtimes..worrying..it's amazing how 7 years have passed..and so manythings have happened in this time and how I have changed since then..It's as if I was watching my life here on a movie theater..in a fast forward pasted in a few minutes while I was on our friend's balcony..Thank you God for every thing you have given me and for all the ones who I will be blessed later..I just want one thing from you...and that is to never ever let me be by my own...

I finally signed the offer yesterday and mailed it to them, everything is going as planned and even better. Yesterday evening, I had the pleasure of going for dinner with a group of my girl friends. It's amazing how everyone knows everyone  in  some ways..It was a great night and but more interesting than just the dinner was the fact that we got to talk about some life issues...Its great to talk stuff over and see other people's point of view...And listen to other girl's experiences on how to deal with certain situations...I feel I am shedding..Or may be I am learning about people's interior rather than exterior..That is my next project..To find out what people are all about in a short period of time..I still think I am some how okay in it..Since I have a good sixth sense..But at the same time its not really logical..I think I should try to look at people's behavior logically...And then draw conclusion..Although I always try that but I always try to start fresh with people and I don't like to take any gruge over anyone..but as this friend of mine puts it, not everyone in your life has the same value..some value more and some less...this is exactly what Gina told me a week ago as well...Me, being the idealist, always try to value everyone the same..since being fair is my number one priority in life..but I guess when some people are not worth it you should not give your kindness to them as my other friend puts it..you should give your kindness to people who deserve it..although its very hard for me to do that..since by nature I just want to be kind to anyone and even if anyone did something unkind to me, I still try to forget it but I guess this is another part of growing up and a learning experience.

THERE YOU'LL BE - Faith Hill
I used to sing this song sooooooooo much:)and I still love it..not just the lyrics but also the ways Faith Hill sings it, is amazing.

 

http://www.absolutepictures.com

When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind
I’ll be glad cuz I was blessed to get To have you in my life
When I look back on these days
I’ll look and see your face You were right there for me
In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
 I’ll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you’ll be there 
Well you showed me how it feels To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all The strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
I want to thank you now for all the ways You were right there for me

Date:July 21,04
Time:8:50 am
mood:nagging and cursing at the waiting situation...everyone trying to calm me down
Time:8:52
phone rings...my mom answers..she is on the edge too..we got informed of a relative death before that...she answers...gives me the phone...I am suprized..but something in me says that its them..that finally they have decided...I walk with the phone..as if I am not in this world..detached..everyone follows me!!!my mom told them to stop and stand still..I show the victory sign to my dad..and they laugh and gave me the huge hug:)I could see the depth of his happiness..I know he loves me so dearly that my happiness makes him 100 times more...same with the rest of my family..the whole household is calm now...and life goes on...split second..every thing changed...but my lesson for that split second was that even for that you have to work hard and be smart..luck is important but more important than that is you believe in yourself and go after your dreams...never give up and again as my highschool slogan was and will be in my life..CARPE DIEM..love you all and thanks for praying for me:)I got all those positive energies.

To all my girls who are too scared to beilieve in themselves. Although its a great lyrics but I don't know how Hilary pulled it off at the age of 15. 



http://www.lyrics.com
 
Hilary Duff-Inner Strength
 
Gotta find your inner strength
If you can't then just throw life away
Gotta learn to rely on you
Beauty, strength, and wisdom, too
You're beautiful inside and out
Lead a great life without a doubt
Don't need a man to make things fair'Cuz more than likely he won't be there
Listen girl, gotta know it's true
In the end all you've got is you

Last night my family and I were at one of our friends house. The start up of this family friendship was because of me;) The daughter of the family and I used to be classmates in middle school. Their family is like my own now:)I love her parents the same way as I love my own. She got married last year and this time we got the chance to watch the wedding tapes:)Although she wasn't there last night but she and her better half were great in the film. I loved their love walk both in Iran and here. Actually their film and photos were faster developed and edited unlike here that took ages. I also got to talk to one of my dearest childhood friends some days ago, I couldn't beilieve it, it has been nearly a year since we talked, I guess he is always busy, the funny thing is when I was talking to him I realized that he is exactly in the same situation as I was last year, big confusion about what to do next!!;)although he has made his mind that he is not ready for life!!!so he is going to continue studying. I hope one of the universities he chooses is Canada. It was great talking to him since I wanted to know how his cousins, Ayeh and Iman are doing, they are twins and Sina and I with them used to go to English classes together:)I was classmate with Ayeh in fourth grade as well. But then they left Iran for Netherlands and I haven't seen them since. I remember Iman was very funny, he used to live in his mind;)in such that he wouldn't see even infront of him and it was probable that some times he might hit a wall or something;)he used to call red pen as rose pen in farsi and that has stick in my mind since we were 8 years old. They are both studying and doing fine as Sina puts it. I wish I can see them again and talk about those wonderfull times and laughters together. Lambada was the music of the day that time and we all loved it, now on Lina's wedding amazingly they had it too, so it totally reminded me of them and our great times together but as always I am so blessed with so many good friends that I can share my hopefully more good times with them:)

The next chapter in our lives
 
Last night was Lina and Samer's wedding. It was what I expected and more. I loved every second of it and tried hard not to cry. The Lina I knew was changed. She was a bride now. Unlike before she was so calm. So like a bride. So graceful and so beautiful with her handsome prince. As friends of the bride we were tailing them with belly dancers in front of them. We circled around with proud. It was funny alot of people started talking Arabic to me;) The funny part was a dance, similar to our Kurdish dance, Mirna and I were trying misrably to get the steps but a guy came in, he led our group, The guy later came up to me and said something in Arabic, I said with laughter to him:I don't speak Arabic!!He said:why??I said I am not Arabic..he was shocked!!It was a hallarious scene...everyone looked beautiful. I met Rob, Joe and Goerge, my friend's significant others..amazingly they all look similar to my friends.  I love my friends, they are so caring...at the end of the night, I felt some thing has changed in our lives..everyone is growing up..but its as if I am fighting it or may be it not my time...Lina is going to be starting a new life. Christine, Maria and Muna and Joelle are going toward it..and I am still here, like the five year old kid that was in the kindergarden, loves to hang around  her friends..But the difference is that this time its different..I can't really express it..

Madonna 

It's amazing what you think, will come true eventually...I was watching Madonna's interview for the second time  since last year, yesterday. Everytime I watch her interviews, I respect her more for her way of thinking, not necessarily all she has done in her past, but about her way of trying to balance this patriotic society, the double standards that exists in our society, I admire her hard work and there are several sentences in her interviews that is actually brilliant in my mind, one of them that I think I wrote before here in my weblog is the fact that if you perceive yourself as victorious, victory is yours, world sees you the way you portray yourself and hold yourself. She said that if you want some thing so  bad, you can have it but at the end it might not be what you thought it would be. She said, who is better to tell you about money, fame and beauty than someone who experienced it. It's as if she is saying that underneath the pretty pictures, there are uglynesses. what at the end is real and won't fade after a while is true love and your relationships with others. Its amazing when I studied her albums and their lyrics, her most concern is about love and most of her controversial lyrics about society is now. I think she has been in search of sprituality alot and I admire her for that. Peace of mind in a way is something that with all the money in the world, with all the fame and beauty you may not get. I think this is a very deep sentance, I think right expectations are important in life, but I guess it depends how idealist or realist we are,I mean I like to see everything is going well and every one is happily ever after but the more I look around I realize that, some times it's just a dream, but what can you do?Its amazing how watching people's biography and listening to their life stories, how your questions about living in this world may be answered, I remember that we used to learn in one of my religious books that in the judgment day, your eyes would be wide open and all the secrets will be revealed, you will see as if you were blind before, and you know whats the interesting thing?I feel like I am learning so much about life, it indeed as if my eyes are opening up..its as if I am seeing the things I didn't use to see or I didn't want to see but that is thanks to all my friends and my surroundings. Another thing about Madonna that I really admire is the fact she creates contraversies and challange the society to think and react to it. But the question is now, what type of contraversy?I mean is she resposible for her fans, who uses her as role model?I think the best example is Christina Aguillera, I love her, since her lyrics although she is very young, is very very strong, I admire her for her strength and if I could talk to her one day face to face, I would tell her that you are doing a great job and no singer is actually has evolved so fast to a mature human being and not to worry about how others who are jealus of her who make up stuff about her affects her. Her "can't hold us down" is a great example of the real Christina in my opinion. 

When working with a group of friends to organize an event,

a) Do you go with the flow and if there were a motion on the ground, you vote indifferently so you won't take side?

b) Do you actually go on what you beilieve in, regardless if other people in your groups might get upset, and give your actual yes/no vote?

have you noticed when you are waiting for the result of something, how time passes by?well its driving me crazy...I can't really do anything because I just want to know the result. Gina gave me one of the group photos we did in fencing yesterday, as part of our weekely visits:) I love talking to her, I think one of the reasons is because she is hard core logical like I am..when I talk to her and see her building up all the logical senerios of everything I just enjoy it...its great having her as my friend. yesterday the weather was great and I had a walk with another friend. In a sence I don't know why, but I feel this is the time I have to spend the most with my friends. I feel later would be too late. This weekend is going to be filled with lots of activities. Friday is the wedding, saturday the lecture, sunday one of my classes and later is a friend gathering I am going to. I want to start Karate and Kurdish dance and Choir. But first I have to see if I can find the time;)I can't wait for Lina's wedding..her official marriage certificate is going to be done today. I can't wait to see her in the white dress...oh my God...I think she is one the most beautiful girls I have ever seen:)..even for the hottest girl in our class I voted for her;)I think Samer was jealus;)anyways I can't believe the wedding date is here...

Wonderland

Yesterday My family and I went to Wonderland to celebrate Arman's and Parmis's birthdays. The last time both families went there was 7 years ago and when I look back, it seems so long ago, so many things have changed..My friend and I were in high school here and now we both have graduated, she has married and now has her own life. I wished she could join us with her parents, but life goes on..spending time in wonderland was really fun, specailly there was a persian concert going on..I have never attended any of the persian concerts since I have come to Canada but this time I joined and it was really fun.

Candle vigil

last night with a group of people we went to a candle vigil. It was interesting for me since I have never been in a candle vigil beofre..but I think some thing was missing..I still can't quite pin point it...may be it was the murmur of a song or something.. I saw one of my co-workers and real friends there. She is wonderful, I hope she gets whatever she wishes in life from God. She is extremely good at heart and positive in life. Well she made my day:)afterwards, we went to have fun with friends it was about 20 of us, and we watched a bit of street festival and then off to food;)The most fun part about it was having one of my friends with us..he and his fiance are very funny people:)he keeps teasing me;)and she keeps saying you know we love you, right;)I like him, he is so alive in the moment and he is couragous and advanturous. At the end it was a fun night, although I was scared of the whole evening event, but it ended up okay. I am so blessed to have some many good friends and as Gina puts it acquantaces.

Engagement

Oh my God, I can't beilieve my childhood friends all are couples now!!!when we were 15, and we were in Sina's house, I told Maryam and Sahar that I would be the last...we laughed it off and they didn't accept;)but now after those years both of them are done with their single life:)I can't beileive it..I guess next would be Sina and then Hamid although I think they are young..but you never know!!the groom last night was 24!!I think its too young..the theme of the wedding was very interesting..it was 30-40 and it theme song was swing:)I loved the style and brides dress...so 30's:)..very interesting..anyways as I was dancing with my friend last night, it hit me, how strange a married life can be..I mean when you are married,you have to grow up fully and take responsibility..although I am probably taking it too hard..but I think the reality check will hit hard if you are not aware of these stuff..I hope Sahar has thought about these stuff..although we had a long chat about it when she met the guy..I am very happy for her..I can't wait to go to Iran and see all of them:)I think I can learn a thing or two from them:)specailly not to be too peaky:)

Weddings all over

Today and next friday is going to be great:)since I am invited to two weddings. Today's wedding is persian but the other one is Arabic..I can't wait to see Lina and Samer in their wedding attire:)I am sure both are going to be even more handsome as before..Its interesting that somehow the partner you choose look like you in a way..That is the case for Lina and Samer too..I mean physically not behavioural!!Samer is wonderful..I actually have not met a guy who loves a girl sooo much..you can actually see love from his eyes when he looks at Lina..you can see how he adores her and how he does whatever makes her happy..although Lina is very demanding;)!!Anyways I am waiting to see if Samer is going to put that music that was a mixture of Persian and Arabic for me or not;)..he used to sing it to me one of the times that we went to chem-dinner dance...."Eshghe man..."he was so cute when trying to pronounce the persian words:)..I am excited to see Muna and Gorge and Christine and Rob,Maria and her boyfriend and may be Joelle and Mario decide to come, I hope they come..all dressed up and handsome and beautiful..I tried to convince sang to come with us..but he is hallarous!!the way he works is the way Muna and I work!!If Shaf comes I come, he says..its like me going to be Muna's dancing partner and second date;)Lina's house will be ready by October and I can't wait to go and see her house..Amazing how time goes sooo fast..its just year we got so seperated although we are in touch and we try to go out every month..Muna is totally upset about it since she feels alone since everyone is moving on..and if I leave too she will be devistated..I am trying very hard to make her emotionally at ease..she knows logically its part of life...its kinda like Amy Chan's Joy LuckLob that we studied here in high school..the story of 4 women and their kids..although here there are no kids yet!!

OUR LIPS ARE SEALED
Hillary and Haily Duff

"Can you hear them?
They talk about us
Telling lies
Well, that's no surprise
Can you see them?
See right through them?
They have no shield
No secrets to reveal

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play

Our lips are sealed

There's a weapon
Which we must use
In our defense:
Silence
Spreading rumors
So far from true
Dragged up from the underworld

Just like some precious pearl

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play

Our lips are sealed

Pay no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway

Our lips are sealed

Hush, my darling
Don't you cry
Cryin' angel
Forget them lies

Can you hear them?
They talk about us
Telling lies
Well, that's no surprise
Can you see them?
See right through them?
They have no shield
No secrets to reveal"

A girl called Gina

I am blessed to have so many good friends that would not let me be unhappy for even a second..they all will take me out and do every thing possible to make my mind off what bothers me. And it is very funny that the moment they see me they can read through me!!!they all said the same thing..what is wrong?Muna I love you..I don't know what I would have done without you..I am going to miss you when I leave..Gina..Hon..thanks soooooo much for the pizza and ice cream..although you were right about the mints!!!and for sure Eric needs some investigation;)my beloved 2 M's...I thank you so much for clearing so many doubts...you guys are true friends..and I would trust you with my heart and soul unlike some others who are clueless about these things. And my new great friend, you know who you are, I don't know how to thank you for being there when I needed someone to be my strength so I won't fall...my labmates..Arpana and Amit, thanks for keeping my spirit up and calming me down:) All these supports was in the past 24 hours..Thanks so much to all of you again..I don't know what I would have done without you guys:)I love you all....Gina..I think we will be fencing partner forever;)and this tradition of meeting up on tuesdays will be kept alive until:)

HART HOUSE FARM

Today I am going to Hart house farm like last year with more people this time..70 people:) I will write about it when I come back:)but it should be lots of fun despite the fact that I think this year I will be more of a retired person;)since my muscles are still hurting..

Canoeing

Yesterday was Canada Day and I decided to go canoeing with some of my friends. One of my adventerous friends and I went first:)although it was very windy but after alot of effort we could turn back to where we started. I think the most improtant thing was to be harmonous:)
My parents are away this weekend I feel really wiered..I really miss them..but no fear I am going to hart house farm tomorrow:)I am sure it will be tons of fun.I got reminded again yesterday that I love getting teased but I don't think I can handle the teasers much;)

Done
Everything happened in split second...when he came into the room...when he announced to Steve, Herman, Gabrial and I that if we knew anyone looking for that job...1 second of silence..steve and I looked at each other with excitement..She is the one!!she is looking..okay he said, here is my card...the resume is sent..30 minutes after they called for an interview...3 level interview..with the manager, supervisor and the immediate boss..can you believe it?so friendly...so easy to talk to..why?because I knew two of them...I can't believe all that networking finally paid off..all that time I put driving apparently for no reason to the internal meetings..finally fruited..he asked for my references..but I think its a done deal...William emailed, he said they like you alot...see you at Purdue!!

Thank you God..Finally you gave it to me..The exact thing I needed...when I absolutely forgot the reason of my joy and existence in science.
I got a great job at Purdue Pharma, where one of their products is the pain killer for Cancer patients...I love working in Cancer research..I have lost 2 dear people from that nasty disease..I want to conquer it.